Reapperance

I jumped... It wasn't the cold weather that startled me. I had been walking for a few minutes and all I could think of is the battered woman that I had encountered a of couple hours back. The little hairs on my arms stood up not because I realized that malice was among me but because I just saw someone that I didn't think I'd ever see again. My face was white as a ghost, I might as well seen a ghost . I struggled to keep my balance after walking on black ice. My heart stopped as I took a minute to get a hold of myself . My hair flipped up as I picked my head up and looked again... it was not longer there. It actually had never been there. He had never been there, not even the make of the car that I had sworn I seen him in was there. "What the hell is wrong with me, am I going crazy." I was officially going crazy after talking to myself in the middle of the sidewalk on a cold Bronx street. It was bad enough that there were people all around to see me as weak as I knew I was at that moment. Therefore they knew I was crazy, I just thought it. It had been my third unannounced hallucination and I was sick of it. I grabbed my phone with my frozen fingers and decided to share my suspicion of insanity with someone. I had thought she would comfort me. She didn't, she actually slapped me with a simple text telling me to get a hold of myself. That stung more than a bee on a spring day, it was bad enough that the cold was taking the feeling in my face, I was now being slapped with reality. I couldn't understand the subconscious flashbacks that were appearing uninvited. I swear it was going away, but as soon as that thought came in to my head it popped back up like a champagne bottle top. It wasn't going anywhere and I didn't know why. "Do you believe in signs" I repeated it to myself. I think I needed to ask myself that question before I'd asked anyone else. I knew that my opinion counted more than anything but I still needed reassurance. Why had this seemed like the coldest winter ever. I had lived in New York my whole life and this weather had no effect on me at all.. until now. I was hoping it was my last withdrawl faze. I had every right to go through this, it had been too long and too dark of a drive to just put the pressure on the peddle but I felt as if a deer had ran in my way.I had to switched roads with in the sound of a heart beat. It wasn't that easy and there was more likely to be an accident than just a swerved in the road. I walked back to my job and realized that as dark as the night was my heart had remained the same. For it wasn't dark and although there was a hole in it, it was slowly getting smaller with time or confidence. Whatever it was I knew that I always had someone to grab on to when the ice was black again and that was me.