Seeking Serenity..

When I'm looking for peace of mind and some sense
of my thoughts concerning
life,
love
and my quest

I turn to books, quotes,
I turn to myself
to be alone sounds so negative
and in a way it's the most positive thing one can encounter
to self search for what you want
is extremely hard but rewarding
Those not daring enough to look
lack confidence and self love.

Some of my in the process book

I knew that having a pen in my hand would
reduce my headache at that point anything
would alleviate me . "You want to smoke:
I couldn't make a noise, my mouth just opened
but no sound came out.
As I moved my head up and down
the tears I was holding at the beds
of my eyes flew down. I just thought
"Again" I couldn't stop repeating the word
as it bounced around in my head.
That's the only word I knew at that moment.
I sat on my couch after my college graduation.
My parents had just left my apartment to drive back home.
3 hours didn't seem too bad for me since I was use to
making the trip but to them it was a death sentence.
I was willing to do anything at that moment
to hold my shrieks inside.
My parents noticed that my boyfriend of 4 years
and I were having problems. It might have been the reaction
that I let out when they asked for him, or maybe it was the
girl who showed up by his side after the ceremony.
"I thought you guys were together." My mom was always
his little shield, to her
I was always wrong when we were arguing but now
I was wrong for accepting the excuse "we're on a break, again"

Clockwork

They say time heals all wounds
So @ what time am I going to feel better this time
Maybe time should fast forward for a few seconds
and tell me that the next time would be the same
as the last time.
Maybe time forgot that last time ....
I was holding on to every breath and every second that past
Because last time I didn't think it was going to be the same

Maybe time forgot about me
like it forgot the number 13
13 times were the chances I gave you
the promises you broke... the times I spent
believing that the next time was going to be different
The only thing that was different this time is that
I didn't glance at my watch when the number 13 came up
that's when you told me
"This just wasn't our time"
How clever of me to switch to military time
I guess it was my time to know that it took time to
break me
make me
build me ,
in to a better person
Because I learned my lesson
from the last time
so next time I know..
I don't need that much time to know
that next time I won't look at my watch
to know when it's time to look at the next guy....

-written a long time ago ..