I need change ...

This morning felt like I was serving a sentence
I rather lock myself up so no one can complement on this...
this life that no longer seems meaningful and tasteful
I hate to think that I'm here and hate it more that I'm grateful
My daily routine is starting to take a toll
Even my friends seem like there stories been told
I can't confuse my dead end with repetition
There's no doubt that I'm happy for the life I live in
I know there's other who are worst off and still are happy

I actually see them everyday saying "Wow God Blessed Me"
He did because he gave them something I don't have
It's that little voice inside of them telling them to
faithful and everything will be stable
That was me a year ago I thought everything was dandy
Singing on a roof in Hong Kong counting my blessings....
I meet people I never thought I would
it opened my mind
and soon I understood
That there was more than yellow cabs and night clubs
I never heard screaming as I crossed the streets in Bangkok
I knew that experience would make me see
That there's more to life than life in the big city

Maybe that is what's missing
I need to experience change
to actually feel like I'm living ..

Constant Flows

Constant Flows of failed litagations

I can't believe that my mind is set up like a Geisha

To think I have to think my life was going one way

And suddenly I don't have you, you and you

to cry my flaws today

But I'll think of the memories that I held

and put away
I'll always remember you

but to me

you pasted away ..

I can't keep remembering you

to save my life to today

I have to pull the plug and say

ENOUGH .. ENOUGH .. ENOUGH....

MY TEARS WILL DRY

Or Cave

because five years of wounds

hurt and self distruction

will be enough to suck the life out

of self construction

it's now or never

I can't keep thinking he'll come back soon

those letters tucked under my bed

will soon fade away too

or maybe the ink will sink in

like the reality that

everything has to be nsync

and I can't think

but go by your rules

of never having the chance to

fall in love

like two doves do

I'm just flesh and blood

I can't honestly say

you would've always stood by myside

when all i did is ripped

you up inside

these constant flows of lies and litagations

got me thinking I can't turn back

I have to save my self

so....